"I'm about to lose control and I think I like it!"

I've recently come to find out that I am a control freak. That might sound weird, like it should be something I already knew about myself. Well, I knew... I just didn't know how bad I was. Let me tell you first hand that being a control freak is not all it is cracked to be. In fact it's downright awful!! Without even realizing it, I was living my life in a constant state of stress and anxiety. Annnnnd what for? I mean, it can't really be called living when you're not leaving yourself time to enjoy it.

A couple weeks ago I came to the realization that I couldn't live like this any longer. Well, truthfully I had a pretty good anxiety attack and I couldn't even tell you over what. It was like my body was screaming at me, "Emily, WAKE UP! You CAN'T keep living this way!!!" So, I took the hint and started to do some soul searching. When I started really examining the things that I got so stressed and anxious about, I realized it was only things that I couldn't control. That kind of made me chuckle because I couldn't believe I hadn't noticed this before. It kind of reminds me of that quote about not arriving to your grave in a neat little box, but rather that you should come skidding in sideways shouting, WHAT A RIDE! Or something like that. But seriously though, you can't enjoy life or relax when you're trying to make everything fit into your nice little controlled environment. I mean what's that thing all the kids are saying these days? YOLO? (You.Only.Live.Once.) Seems a little silly saying it, but I think they might be on to something. (Also, don't feel bad if you didn't know what it meant, it took me awhile to figure it out and I'm only 25!!!)

I can't say I know when my controlling nature took such a hold on me or why I feel the need to control everything around me, but I can say that I am actively making an effort to no longer live that way. And so far... so good. I'm living the easy, breezy, beautiful cover girl... Wait that's not where I was going with that! See, I'm already starting to loosen up! Okay, so that was a pretty lame attempt at a joke, but I haven't had enough coffee yet. Maybe with my new found carefree-er life I can do something crazy like sky diving or zip lining, I mean after all... YOLO! Happy weekend to you all :)

-ejw