I still have these moments that strike me at the most unexpected times and my thoughts go a little something like this, "Oh my gosh, I'm a mother! I have a child and my own family!"
That might seem odd to some people because my son will be exactly a year and a half old tomorrow. I know it seems like I should be used to the idea that I am a mother, but sometimes I just still can't believe it. I live everyday of my life as Walter's mommy. I take care of him and love him the best way I know how, but it can still sneak up on and me and take me by surprise. I still often times catch myself thinking of myself as my parent's child. It just doesn't seem like I could be old enough already to have been married almost 4 years and have a son of my own. I know that I will always be my parent's kid, but in a way as you grow older you separate from that. You move on, you grow up. You move out of your parent's house. You start to take care of yourself financially. You begin to make decisions that you don't consult your parents on. You just keep putting one foot in front of the other and then before you know it, you're your own person... separate from them. Maybe it's because I still rely on my parents for so much. I still very much value their opinions and heed their advice. It's hard for me to think that someday Walter will look to me for the same kind of guidance and I just don't feel like I am ready for that. I don't think that anyone necessarily feels ready to lead someone else through life because we're all trying to figure it out for ourselves, but somehow it all works out.
Today these thoughts came to me when my little family took a walk to a nearby park. I was sitting there on the swing watching my husband push our son and watching my son laugh hysterically at his daddy being silly. The realization that we're our own family was overwhelming. We're making our own memories together and growing together, without anyone else. I feel so blessed to have them. I wanted to stay in that moment forever and know that I would always be able to be happy with them like I was in that moment. I wanted to know that I would always be able to remember the simple and happy times we've had together. I wanted to know that I would always be able to protect them. I had a sort of "mama bear" moment. I loved it. I love when gratefulness washes over you when you're not expecting it. I thank God for these moments.