How to order a pizza... CORRECTLY

This blog is going to help all of you people out there in the blogosphere that haven't worked at a pizza place and therefore, may need help in knowing how to correctly order a pizza. First off, if you ask if they have any specials right now, LISTEN to what they say. It's very, very annoying to have you ask to immediately repeat the specials. Mind you that we are asked this by every customer so it's nice to not have to say it 1,678,943 times in one night. Secondly, we know that you are calling to order a pizza so you do not have to declare this. You can say something like, "I would like to order a pizza for pickup/delivery." That is actually a helpful sentence and not just a giant waste of air. Thirdly, if they are running a special that is something like a large pizza with two toppings, don't just say "okay, I'll have that." If you would like to order the special with two toppings, you have to ACTUALLY tell us which two toppings you would like. We aren't mind readers so we don't just know and if you don't want to tell us we will gladly choose for you... double anchovies. A few other things that we don't enjoy when you call us include, having a conversation with your family about what to get. We don't want to hear you screaming to people in the background, it's rude. Also, your not the only person calling to order a pizza, so while you're keeping us on the line and making your mind up, the other phones are ringing and we're not able to answer them. So please discuss with your family beforehand and then give us a call. Another option would be to ask for our specials and say, "Thanks, I'll call back." If you're going to use a coupon, that's fine just tell us what it's for. We don't have all of the coupons memorized, so when you say I have a coupon for a large pizza, we don't know which one it is... so please tell me. Say I have a coupon for a large two topping pizza for $12.00, or I have a coupon for $1.00 off any pizza, or whatever it might be that your coupon is for. The same things goes as before, if your coupon is for a pizza with a certain amount of toppings please tell us what you would like... I do not want to have to ask you for this information.  You should be expecting that I would need to know, so just tell me. Also a specialty pizza isn't a pizza, it's a type of pizza, such as, deluxe, meat, bbq chicken, veggie, etc. If you would just like any specialty pizza, sure I'll pick that for you too.

Now I personally deliver pizzas, so just a quick few pointers for getting your pizza delivered. It is nice to tip us, gas isn't free and we pay for our own. Don't order pizza for delivery and then not have your address anywhere to be found on your house. We don't instinctively know where you live. If it's dark outside please turn on your porch light right after you hang up the phone and then immediately get your money around. Sometimes we arrive sooner than expected so it's nice for you to be ready. If you order your pizza to be delivered, don't act surprised when we get there like you weren't expecting us. If the weather is crappy outside, i.e. really rainy, windy, hot, cold, etc. please invite us inside the door. We don't want to come any further in your house because it makes us as uncomfortable as it makes you. If your house is too dirty to invite someone in and you would be ashamed to have them inside your door, well then that's on you and fix it for the sake of yourself. I'm not talking like a little messy from a few out of control days with your kids or just normal clutter from living. I'm talking about 28 piles of dirty laundry, food boxes everywhere, horrid pet smells, so much crap that you couldn't sit on your couch if you tried, clean that up because your just chopping away at your life expectancy from living like that. And lastly, just because you wanted your pizza delivered doesn't mean you don't have to have on clothes. It's honestly disgusting and uncomfortable to see you in your underwear or no shirt or sexy pj's or whatever you're prancing around your house in. I am a stranger and don't know you. There are people I know well whom I don't want to see in outfits like that, so just be respectful.

Thanks for reading, now go enjoy your pizza! TIP YOUR DRIVER!