However, I don't know what more I could really be doing. I stay home with my son because that's what I want to do. We made that decision as a family and I couldn't be more happy with it. I love that I stay home with him and have the privilege of spending so much quality time with my son. I love that I don't miss out on things because I'm stuck at work. However, I'm not a housewife... I am a stay at home mother. I feel that those two things are very different. Once Walter goes to school, I want to be back in the workforce. However, sometimes it feels like I am so disconnected from the world because I stay at home. I feel like I'm not doing anything worthwhile in my life to further myself professionally. I know it's a catch-22 and that I can't have my cake and eat it too. I wouldn't trade being home with Walter for anything, but at the same time I wish I had more to tell people when they ask what I've been doing with my life. I wish I had a list of accomplishments and a chunk of change in my 401k and a business card to say, "Hey, I'm a professional too!" I know it doesn't work that way though. I feel very proud of what I am doing at home and how smart and wonderful my son is. It's just that the world doesn't see that as an accomplishment and so I feel like I'm stuck in one place because my accomplishments can't be measured in job titles and salary. Which, truthfully, really doesn't even matter to me, but it matters to everyone else. It's easy to say that you shouldn't let others get you down, but it's often much easier said than done.
I like finishing projects too and I haven't finished a project in a really long time. My sister and I started painting my kitchen well over a year ago, but the trim isn't finished. It's really starting to work my nerves too. My sister and I have been tossing around ideas for what seems like an eternity about what color to put on my living room walls... still white. UGH! No pictures hanging on the walls, no shelves, no decoration. My mantle looks like Martha Stewart puked all over it. No organization... no theme. It's not that I am even bad at decorating, I am just too dang indecisive. ANNNNND I feel like with a toddler running around that it's about impossible to get the time to do any decorating. Plus, even if I got some decorating done, it would quickly be over taken by Lightening McQueen and Thomas the Train. House? Check. Oh wait, house... definitely not checked off my to-do list.
BIG GIANT frustration! I know it's going to take some time, but I feel like I'm getting nowhere. Before I started trying to take pictures, I always had so many great ideas for photos and would get inspiration from everything. Now, it's all gone. I feel like I lost my creativity the minute I tried using it. I suppose that's how it works sometimes though. It can only get better.
Over and Out.